Solace in unemployment-Chiamaka

Today, there is so much controversy about god, guns, gays and grizzly's. I tend to think more about unemployment. Since I'm currently not earning a living, I could be classified as being unemployed.

After spending two years and a huge fortune dealing with grad school's burdensome theoretical contrivances, I graduated feeling as clueless as I did on my first day. The experience only left me needy for more knowledge. Knowledge that for the most part, will not be useful in today's market.

Years ago, I remember scribbling in my little scrap book of random thoughts that the world was mine to "explore and conquer". I was determined grasp as much as I could. Surely, my knowledge would lead me somewhere.

And so, My plan was all carefully packaged, and in my mind, airtight and ready to take flight. As long as I did not disappoint myself, what in the lord’s good heaven’s could go wrong? Right?

I have witnessed a few ups and downs. Each 'down' finds me assessing and reassessing my choices. The grand plan all of a sudden seems flawed. It feels like I am trying to scoop up water with a basket. My shortcomings stick out like sore pimples. I make numerous mental notes on ways to avoid the dispensable bin of people who lack the skills to service market demands.

It is at times like these that I search for a genius in me- some invisible filler to mend my leaking basket. I want to turn from being a groveler to becoming a grovelee, so I study...and I study... and I study.

Surely I'll come across something that will make all the difference.

I have finally come to realize that education (formal or informal) does not guarantee anything. Success is a debt I owe myself. The onus is on me to define success on my own terms and to follow through with the plan to attain it. I should study only because I crave to know. Learning new things brings out the child in me. I appreciate the opportunity to see the world under different lights, I appreciate the mysteries that I get exposed to, thanks to education, I realize how insignificant I am- all things considered.

Studying provides me with the lessons of life that transcend the classroom. It's a blend of experiences. It’s the people, the interactions, the sleepless nights, the frustrations, the perseverance. It’s the satisfaction that comes with breaking down complex puzzles- not to mention, the confidence it brings. Education is love, it is life.

The plans that I made when I was just out of school many years ago, have not changed much. My exploration of the world will never end. Most of it will come out of mundane goings-on. While I am at it, I may pay several more visits to the academic world. The next time I earn a degree, I will leave feeling as clueless as I have many times in the past and that’s alright by me.

As for a way to make a living, it beats me. I still don’t have those answers. I wish things were different but as I learn to focus on following my gut and my heart’s desires, I am reminded that you cannot place a price on the sense of fulfillment it brings.